You’re probably familiar with the saying “don’t kick a person when they’re down,” and yet, as entrepreneurs, business owners, or community leaders, we can get caught up doing it to ourselves — especially when the numbers don’t look good or results don’t go according to plan.
Building a business, leading an organization or a movement, or creating long-term change in a community asks a lot of us as human beings and leaders. And unfortunately, sometimes the people around us don’t know how, don’t want to, or don’t have the bandwidth to encourage and uplift us because of what’s happening in their own world. So we have to practice celebrating our own successes and picking ourselves when we need to.
One of the areas of business-building that is most important but can also be one of the most uncomfortable for many heart-centered, impact-led entrepreneurs, community or business leaders is sales.
Although it is the lifeblood of any successful business, it is one of the least desirable topics to talk about because there’s often a lot of negativity, judgment, and shame around our ability (or inability) to generate sales and steady cashflow.
I know because I struggled with it too. There were periods of flow and abundance, and there were periods of “Oh crap! Where’s the money going to come from?” Sadly, rather than honoring and learning from that as part of the entrepreneurial journey, we try to hide it out of embarrassment, which only amplifies the angst and short-changes our business owner development.
Hence, as a coach and in true Life Maximizer fashion, I do my best to compassionately disrupt unsupportive habits and shake things up a bit to help normalize some of the difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. One thing I’ve found to be most helpful when exploring how to change our relationship to (and behavior around) an issue is to shine more light on it so that we can find or create an alternative solution to move through it.
Let’s start here…
There’s no doubt you definitely need to identify your target audience and craft the right message; however, I believe there are some other contributing factors for why a number of heart-centered, impact-driven entrepreneurs, business owners, and community leaders have difficulty navigating this internal tug-o-war when it comes to sales and consistent cashflow.
One reason being the off-base messages we receive that suggests our “goodness” as human beings goes down the more money we have. So, for individuals who pride themselves on leading with service and doing the right thing, this discouraging narrative only perpetuates the story that we must sacrifice and “give it all away” for us to be kind, caring, thoughtful human beings. When, in truth, if you don’t have more money to give, then you can’t put more money towards your cause or your own personal dreams! (That said, there’s so much to unpack here. Be on the lookout for another post!)
The second reason is juicier to me. And it’s this notion that our relationship to money and cashflow consistency is also tied to our physiology and old unresolved or trapped survival stress from our lived experiences (and that of our parents and ancestors). For many, money is tied to survival. It’s tied to safety and security — to stability. So there is a physical or embodiment component to money, our relationship to it, and its consistency in our lives that is deeply connected to our nervous system. If we don’t have that feeling of safety and security, then our minds AND bodies go into panic mode. We go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn because we want/need to survive.
So this is what I want to explore with you here — what happens to your relationship to your sales and cashflow when you acknowledge and release shame and approach your sales from a more loving, (self) honoring, embodied approach?
Shifting the Relationship
There are three parts to consider as you work to create a new experience:
- The Somatic Experience: the sensations and awareness you have in your body as you experience shame (or other emotions)
- The Script: the language you use to shape or talk about your experience (past, present, and future)
- The Strategy: the plan you want to create and next steps you want to take to move forward
The Somatic Experience
Because I take a more trauma-informed, nervous-system-led approach to helping leaders create their strategy and grow their business, I believe shame lives in the body — not just the mind — and must also be addressed on a physiological level. So, for me, mindset exercises are important; however, they aren’t the only piece of the equation.
Here’s why. Think about a time when you were a little kid and someone shamed you or you got embarrassed by something you said or did. Like many kids, maybe you froze, put your head down, sunk in your seat, tried to hide — you made yourself smaller. There was a physical, visceral experience that took place. So for most, when someone experiences shame, there is a shrinking / retreating sensation that also happens in the body.
This same sensation can appear for many entrepreneurs and business owners when they are forced to assess or talk about their business development, sales efforts, and numbers. There’s this moment of being caught, like “I know I should have done something different, but I didn’t.”
When the cashflow stops or slows down, we begin to freak out and scramble for safety, certainty, and stability. If we haven’t been doing business development (because we haven’t needed to or because we don’t enjoy it), we judge, shame, and blame ourselves for not doing it. Thus, our bodies kick into survival mode and the nervous system gets reactivated or stays in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, to survive.
Below are four questions you can explore to help you begin to connect somatically (or through the body) with the experience:
- When you experience shame, what sensations do you notice in your body? (Ex. Does your heart start racing? Does your face get hot? Do you lose your focus and your eyes begin to flutter? etc.)
- Where do you notice the sensations in your body? (Ex. Do you feel a tightness in your throat or shoulders? Do your hands begin to shake or your voice begin to waver?)
- Where do you go in / with your thoughts? (Ex. worst case scenario, fix-it mode, etc)
- What, in that moment, would help you self-soothe both the thought and the physical sensation? (Ex. When I feel shame, I help self-soothe by gently taking my right hand and gently squeezing the outside of my left shoulder. Then slowly repeating the gentle squeezing motion all the way down my left arm to my hand for a minute or two. Think of someone who loves and cares deeply for you comforting you and saying, “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”)
If you’ve ever seen a baby self-soothe, they might coo or suck on their thumb, pacifier, or blanket to help them get back to a more regulated state. This is exactly what practices like this are intended to help you do. They’re meant to help you come back into your BODY, not just your mind.
The Script
Next, there’s scripting, where you spend time examining and re-directing the language you use. In a recent panel discussion, I heard one of the moderators say “Your wordology directs your biology.” I thought that was powerful. As a former actor, my job was to bring a playwright’s character and words to life, which was part of the magic of theater. That same skill can apply to your real life too, only you’re the playwright.
So as you think about your own wordology — your own script, your own self-talk — what language have you been using? Is it helping you? Is it shaming you? Is it inspiring or uplifting you? Is it encouraging you? Is it loving on you and extending grace and compassion? Is it providing new clarity and insights for you to learn and grow? If it is, and you like it, great! If it’s not, then it’s time to start scripting some new language and building new muscles.
One of the pieces that’s clear when most entrepreneurs and business owners are in panic around sales and cashflow issues is that urgency and fear usually surpass everything else (because they just want the feeling to go away and to know everything is going to be okay). So, for many, it can be difficult to hold the tension AND space for both:
“I need money today. What am I going to do?”
AND
“This is what I have to do / deal with right now. How do I move forward? Where do I go from here?”
That’s where removing the shame and the new scripting can be helpful. It might sound something like this:
“I know I need to have more sales conversations and continue to build my network.
I know it would be good for business.
I know it’s something I should do. I know it’s something I need to do…and right now, I can’t. I don’t want to.
At this particular moment in time, I’m not feeling all that confident because I don’t know how to do it, but I know I’ll get better.
I see I’m growing. I see I’m learning. I’m better at having sales conversations than I used to be. I’m more willing to have sales and ‘biz dev’ conversations than I used to be.
I’m more confident than I used to be. I’m getting better at this. I’ve gotten better at this. I’m better at this.
You know, I’m actually pretty good at this. This is fun. It’s interesting. It’s good.
I’m good at this. I LOVE being good at this. I love that I’m getting better at this. I can do this. Let’s have some new conversations.”
One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself as an entrepreneur and business owner is grace. It’s not always that easy, especially if you also use it as a personal development container. It will show you your strengths, and it will show you your shortcomings. Unfortunately, for a lot of leaders (in my community) the sales and cashflow humps can be difficult hurdles to jump over because they are often tied to something much deeper. But when they find that new connection and conversation, their confidence and enjoyment for and in their business shines through.
Strategy
The last piece is putting together your strategy for how you want to move forward. And to be honest, out of the three parts, this can sometimes be the easiest because it allows you to engage your mind, but it doesn’t necessarily change your behavior long-term. As you think about the example around sales and cashflow, here are some sample questions to ask:
- Who do you need to be in conversation with (that you’ve been avoiding most likely)?
- What conversation do you want / need to have with them?
- How will these sales / business development conversations make a difference in THEIR life? How will life be better / easier because of their conversation with you? Or how will a conversation with you help them get closer to their positive desired outcome?
- If they were to say yes to you in your conversation , then what exactly would be the next step for them? What would they be saying yes to?
Although there is skill-building directly related to selling that needs to happen to be an effective entrepreneur or business owner, I also believe a big part of the learning around having more consistent sales and cashflow is about building your confidence and your capacity on a mental level, an emotional level, and a nervous system level.
I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I can’t shame my way into more motivation or inspiration. Trying to shame myself into change is counterproductive for me. If anything, it only activates more guilt, disappointment, self-beratement, and shutdown. It doesn’t help cultivate space for reflection, learning, new action, and commitment to doing it better.
So if you’re trying to figure out how to move through the resistance, the judgment, or shame and looking for an alternative way to approach your sales and cashflow, let’s talk. I encourage you to do a Discovery Session with me (at no charge) to get under these (usually hidden) beliefs so you can experience greater clarity, financial freedom and flow. Your success is vital to your movement. Let’s surface what could be holding that back for you to get it resolved. Your well-being, income, impact – and your community’s future – depends on it.
To having more ease and feeling more embodied as you generate more sales and cashflow!
© 2023 Donell Hill
About Donnie Hill
Imagine a world where business and community leaders are well-rested, well-paid, and deeply appreciated not only for the work they do, but for who they are. Donnie believes business and leadership development can be paths for healing, wealth creation, and community restoration. He is the Founder and CEO of Life Maximizer LLC, a coaching and consulting company dedicated to personal development, business growth strategy, and mental health / burnout recovery for entrepreneurs and leaders.
Donnie’s work as a restorative leadership and business advisor allows him to combine his former work as a Certified Cancer Coach, his personal healing journey and his trauma-informed approach with his Stanford University education and experience as a communication coach, a marketing strategist, and a sales facilitator. He now supports impact-focused leaders build their business and leadership presence in a strategic and sustainable way so they maximize their contribution without sacrificing their wellbeing and burning themselves out.