Last night, I came across an article in Harvard Business Review talking about how to lead when you and your team are exhausted. While I believe leadership, business sustainability, strategic planning, how-to’s, and self-care practices are important and helpful, I think we’re still missing the mark on this conversation.
As I read the piece, the former Cancer Coach in me cringed as I had flashbacks to former conversations with patients and caregivers about not running themselves into the ground.
Although there were some new insights, the essence of the article highlighted some of the same old strategies and mantras like “we can’t rest on our laurels” and leaders should be taking this time to figure out their “competitive advantage.” (And let me be clear, this has been my normal go-to!)
However, as I think about these upcoming weeks and months, I realize we’ve still got a ways to go, and that line of thinking is not going to be sustainable — at least not for me. So a different question has bubbled to the surface for me, and I want to invite you to consider it for yourself as well.
And it’s this…
If I were to set resilience down for a moment (knowing that I could pick it back up at any time), how else could (or would) I respond to everything that’s happening in my work life, in my personal life, and collectively?
2020 has brought ALL THE THINGS to the surface in which people have had to address, find solutions for, and bounce back from (or at least make attempts to), and I don’t know about you, but I’d like to tap out of the ring for a bit.
In fact, just let me lie down on the ground here for a minute and catch my breath. (sigh)
Now that I’ve paused, the question becomes, if I choose not to get back up on my feet immediately, what other options or clarity or discoveries might be available to me when I’m not trying to be resilient?
- What else would / could I see?
- What else could I learn from not jumping right into finding a solution?
- Might this pause breathe some new life and energy back into me and those around me?
- What else might be there in the pause that might surprise, challenge, and/or upset me?
- What about the silence/stillness terrifies me?
These questions have been sitting with me deeply, mainly because I notice that being resilient — getting back up, being tough, and figuring it out — has been my go-to response for handling challenging or uncomfortable situations (or any kind of trauma for that matter).
However, just because it’s my go-to doesn’t mean it’s the most helpful (or the most appropriate at that moment). So I’m beginning to do some deeper exploration into what else is there in addition to resilience.
Now, I think it’s really important to call out my questioning and exploration aren’t intended to dismiss or minimize the importance of cultivating resilience; I just believe we need complementary tools and ways of thinking that expand our toolkit for moving forward especially as we go into the holidays, winter, and the second wave of the pandemic / lockdown here in the States.
And real talk, people’s resiliency tanks are low on fuel – if not straight-up empty. And that’s okay.
In that case, what do you do? How do you respond? Are you going keep doing the same thing until you run yourself and/or your team into the ground?
Business isn’t going to stop. The work and responsibilities are still going to be there. Changes are going to continue to come as cities, government officials, and healthcare practitioners figure something out. So, it’s essential we also find ways to take care of ourselves and each other if we’re going to make it through this together.
So here are two things I’m playing around with to help me find alternative solutions to refueling my tank – one is a body awareness practice; the other is a reflective practice.
Body Awareness Exercise:
Take a moment to use your senses to connect to what’s around you. What do you hear? What do you see? What do you feel? What do you smell?
For me, I hear the humming of the fan in my computer, laughter, the TV, the sound of motorcycles and cars on the road behind my house, the sound of the keys as I type this article. I feel the (computer) mouse under my hand and my cold fingertips. I smell the Christmas tree. I see my futon, my backyard, a tv, a space heater, etc.
Reflection Questions:
- As you think about this idea of putting resilience down for a moment, what surfaces for you? Does it feel easy? Scary? Overwhelming? Does it make you feel out of control?
- What would you do if you had a moment where you didn’t have to “be resilient” – if you didn’t have to constantly pick yourself up, try to be strong, or have to show up?
- Would you be able to rest more? Would you be able to reflect? Would you lock yourself in a room for a bit and cry to help you grieve and release? Would call up a friend?
- As you think about your own experience around resilience, is there exhaustion, grief, sadness, uncertainty, frustration, or something else?
- Based on your response, what’s in the exhaustion? The grief? The sadness? The frustration? The uncertainty?
When I put down resilience and lean into the grief and the exhaustion, I connect to the fact that I’ve been running myself through the ringer. A lot of wonderful things have happened for me in 2020. A lot of painful things have surfaced. And I’m tired-back-boots!!! (LOL just means a lot)
When I put down not knowing, I see that curiosity, compassion, grace, and deeper levels of trust are there for me to explore. When I lean into sadness and disappointment, space and surrender are there.
Look, this shit is hard. We’re tough and resilient human beings, but this is next-level stuff, and our outdated tools and “no pain no gain” mantras aren’t sustainable and/or effective for what we need to do, where we need to go, or whom we need to be, collectively.
I believe it’s important to think differently about how we talk about and approach resilience because it can have a much more negative impact on us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually later down the road, and who knows what it will look like then.
So as you navigate this experience and these personal and collective changes, continue to take care of yourself. Where possible, find opportunities to pause or rest. Grieve and honor your frustrations. And continue to find the resources and get the support you need to move with more clarity, grace, ease, and peace.
Even though we might not have met, know that I have much love and respect for you and I’m wishing you and yours well simply because you’re a fellow human being figuring it out too.
If you’re interested in an additional resource, check out my upcoming complimentary webinar, Maximizing Your ROE (Return on Energy): A Strategy to Lead Change with Sustainable Momentum.
© 2020 Donell Hill
About Donnie Hill
Donnie believes business and leadership development are paths for personal and community transformation. Finding and doing meaningful work ignites the soul, creates a positive impact and brings joy daily. He is the Founder and CEO of Life Maximizer LLC, a marketing and business strategy consulting company. Combining his Stanford University education with his experience as a communication coach, business transformation specialist, marketing strategist and sales facilitator, Donnie supports business and community leaders in strategically building their presence and thought leadership platform so they stand out in their industry and maximize their impact, brand, and legacy.