Part of my work for myself, my clients, and my community in 2021 (and beyond) consists of finding (or creating) an alternative approach to “grind culture.” Although it has played a role in getting me to where I am today, it is no longer a sustainable or enjoyable way of working, and it is not how I want to lead or build my business.
Hence, a big part of my wellbeing, leadership, and business-building practices are now centered around intentionally cultivating more ease, more pleasure, and greater liberation in addition to increasing my profitability and impact.
When I first connected with this idea, it felt weird and like a tall order. So much of my experience and the messages I received about being successful and getting things done were about maximizing performance, productivity, and results. But nowadays, that model seems to be making a lot of people sick.
The question now is…how do I operate differently?
In talking with impact-focused entrepreneurs, business, and community leaders, many are grappling with this same question: How do they confidently move forward, build their businesses, lead their communities, and amplify their body of work in a more impactful, thoughtful and enjoyable way?
Well, for that shift to happen, we first have to look at some of our old patterns – conscious and unconscious – that get in our way and examine how they sabotage our success.
One of the big culprits for me has been perfectionism. (To learn more, check out: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism.
Even as I wrote this piece, I watched myself go back and forth about what I should talk about, what I should add, what I should take out, how I could say it better, etc. It is exactly that seductive mental trap of questioning – all for the sake of “wanting it to be just right for the ‘reader’” — that has historically kept me in a perfection loop.
So I’ve had to spend a little time unpacking my perfectionist tendencies. (Otherwise, this blog would be sitting in my Notes app for the next six months.)
Over the past decade, I’ve come across a lot of articles written about how to overcome perfectionism. I even remember reading a book about it shortly after I graduated from college to help me deal with my anxiety and dysfunctional relationship with it then.
However, one thing I haven’t seen in many (if any) of the pieces is how this coping strategy could be tied to something a little deeper – at least for marginalized communities / communities of color.
One of the big undertakings for myself in 2020 was to intentionally do more of my own internal healing work. Full transparency, some of that sh*t was rough! It was not the sexiest, the most comfortable, or the easiest thing to do, but in sticking with it, I noticed a positive shift in both my personal and professional life.
In the last several months, I have worked with a couple of spiritual teachers, healthcare professionals, and energy practitioners around unpacking and moving through some of my ancestral and intergenerational trauma. One of the common themes / conversations that emerged was about epigenetics – how the trauma, behaviors, and lived experiences of our ancestors and parents get stored in the body and passed down to us through our DNA, influencing our lived experiences today. (https://www.cdc.gov/genomics/disease/epigenetics.htm)
So what?…
I bring this up because if I think about perfectionism in the context of slavery and the lived experiences of my ancestors, my grandparents in the 1930s and 40s, and my parents growing up in Mobile, Alabama in the 60s and 70s, it was connected to survival, and later, advancement opportunities.
Think about it. If things were done to the slave-master’s standards / liking, then the chances of my ancestors being whipped, abused, raped or punished were lessened. If my grandparents and parents produced their best work, then they had a better chance of getting paid a little more to take care of themselves and their families. Hence, spending more time to “get it just right” – to do it perfectly – meant potential relief to some of their pain and suffering.
Fast-forward to today…
Part of why I am talking about this is because although circumstances have changed and the quality of life is much better for many, sadly, perfectionism still runs rampant and negatively impacts many entrepreneurs, business, and community leaders. To some degree, it is still embedded in our DNA and tied to safety, security, and stability, keeping us on the same hamster wheel in survival stress centuries later.
So how do we begin to really transmute our relationship with perfectionism? How do we turn this anxiety-producing gremlin into something more healthy and helpful?
- The first step is to acknowledge perfectionism’s original role, that of protector. We can’t demonize, hide, or shame something and make peace with it at the same time. For those of our ancestors who were exploited by harmful, oppressive systems, that coping strategy most likely saved their life.
- The second step is to make the (ever-so-slight) distinction between doing great work and obsessing about getting it just right. There is no doubt that it feels good to produce high-caliber work, but if you spend inordinate amounts of time fixating on the details or finding the right word to the point where it’s paralyzing,” it might be time to do some deeper exploration.
Here are a handful of questions I find to be helpful when I feel myself getting sucked into the perfection loop:
- What does “just right” mean or look like in the context of this task / project?
- Why do I want it to be “perfect?”
- What am I afraid will happen if it’s not “perfect?” Will it negatively impact my livelihood? My credibility / reputation? My wellbeing? If so, how?
I find answering these questions provides clarity, gives me more choice, and strengthens my ability to make better decisions moving forward.
- The third step is to identify where “perfect” lives in your body. More so than the first two steps, I think this part of the process is one of the most important elements of changing our relationship with perfectionism. Perfectionism is often tied to fear, worry, frustration, or insecurity in some form or fashion, and those experiences and sensations are felt, expressed through, and stored in the body. Take a few minutes (3-5) to scan and notice where you feel tension / angst in your body when you feel yourself needing something to be “perfect.” Not always, but sometimes, this specific step can be a little more difficult for people because it requires you to slow down and move out of your head and into the rest of your body. These types of somatic – or body awareness – practices take some time to cultivate, especially if you don’t already do them.
- The fourth step is to practice moving your focus from getting it right or doing it perfectly toward one (or all, depending on your preference) of the three Ps: Progress, Purpose, or Pleasure. You can do that by setting aside a few minutes (5-10) to answer the following questions:
- How or where have I made progress on this task or project? How have I made progress in my business? How have I moved forward on an important initiative? How have I made progress in my leadership? How have I moved forward with my legacy / movement?
- Why am I doing this work? What’s the purpose of pursuing or completing this task, project, or initiative? How will this move me toward my personal, company, community, or legacy goal?
- How is this task, project, or initiative bringing me more pleasure? How is this bringing more pleasure / ease to my community?
One of the painful realities is that perfectionism came out of exploitative, oppressive systems / environments where productivity, status, profit, and results were valued more than people.
As entrepreneurs, business, and community leaders in 2021, we can choose to do it better — to do it differently.
As you think about your own relationship to perfectionism:
- How is it personally impacting you?
- How is it impacting your effectiveness and contribution as a leader?
- How is it hindering you from being more visible?
- How is it impacting your presence and your marketing?
- How is it impacting your pipeline and ability (or willingness) to have sales conversations?
- How is it impeding your networking and business development efforts?
If left unchecked, perfectionism can make bringing your legacy and your vision to life a lot more exhausting and effortful. It doesn’t have to run the show, but it might require looking at your leadership and business-building practices with different eyes.
If you felt any kind of “sting,” “ping,” or “charge,” as you read this post, there’s something for you to explore here. You can do it on your own by taking some time to go back and answer the questions in this post. Or you can hop onto a complimentary 45-minute Maximizer Call with me to help you get out of the prison of perfectionism and back into progress and pleasure!
Here’s to maximizing your vision, your legacy, and your impact with more ease and enjoyment in 2021!
© 2021 Donell Hill
About Donnie Hill
Donnie believes business and leadership development are paths for personal and community transformation. Finding and doing meaningful work ignites the soul, creates a positive impact and brings joy daily. He is the Founder and CEO of Life Maximizer LLC, a marketing and business strategy consulting company. Combining his Stanford University education with his experience as a communication coach, business transformation specialist, marketing strategist and sales facilitator, Donnie supports business and community leaders in strategically building their presence and thought leadership platform so they stand out in their industry and maximize their impact, brand, and legacy