Have you ever felt like you’ve sacrificed some aspect of yourself or your life that’s important to you for the sake of “more success” or “creating a better life?” It could be your health. It could be your relationship. It could be your peace of mind. Or it could be your overall joy and happiness.
I have, and frankly, it feels awful. It feels like this constant striving and pushing and “efforting,” and if left unchecked, it can come at a cost.
Throughout high school and most of college, I suffered from severe anxiety and depression. My focus and striving and priorities were so out of balance at one point that I considered taking my own life when I was 20. The sad thing is this (self-imposed) “Go! Go! Go! Got to get to the next level” way of operating had become so ingrained that it felt normal, not realizing the negative impact it was having on my well-being and quality of life.
Some people ask why I share the fact that I struggled with depression and contemplated suicide. It’s because I know I’m not the only one who has struggled (or who is struggling) with this. It’s painful.
For a good portion of my life, I thought I needed to prove something. I thought I needed to sacrifice myself and everything around me to have the kind of success and notoriety that others could see and talk about. Then, I could say “I’ve made it.”
Well, that’s bullshit. Having gone through this journey with depression and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it, I know first-hand the impact that it can have on a person’s quality of life and those around them. But there is another way. It just requires some deep, soul honesty.
It wasn’t until after I was connected to the EKG machine in the Stanford emergency room that I was able to honestly acknowledge that my approach to life at that time wasn’t working. At the same time, I didn’t know what else to do.
I was clear that I needed guidance, but for me, that guidance was more than praying about it or going to church. I was angry, and I needed help moving through all of the different emotions.
I needed someone to say, “It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to not know the answers or have it all figured out.” I needed to hear someone say, “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.”
What I discovered was that I didn’t know how to give myself the space, the freedom, or the permission to acknowledge that I was pissed and jealous and disappointed and feeling less than in some way because I wasn’t having the success and seeing the same results as the people around me. On top of that, I was shaming myself for it, and that only made things worse.
I needed to know how to process and work through all of those feelings, and unfortunately, no one was showing me how to do that. That was my when my personal pivot — or life maximization — point began.
Here’s what I’ve come to learn and want to remind you today. You are so much more than any award, accolade, material possession, car, or check, and more importantly, you don’t have to sacrifice any part of yourself or the things most important to you to have or enjoy success.
The soul truth of the matter is the people in your life want and need you. Nobody can do what you’re here on Earth specifically to do, and when you remember and reconnect to that, an ease and a lightness will come over you that is priceless. Just like there will never be another Donell Hill, there will never be another you.
So, here are my questions for you…
What aspect(s) of yourself or your life do you feel like you’ve neglected or put on the backburner for the sake of having “more success” and what has it cost you?
What has it cost you physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? Mentally? Financially? Romantically?
If I’ve learned anything in my own personal journey to reconnect to more of my happiness and joy, it’s that I had to start being more honest about what was more important to me. For me, it was my well-being, and that’s when the life maximization journey began.
Now, it’s your turn. What would a more joyful, soul-nourishing, maximized life experience look like for you, and what would it bring back to your life and those you love?
© 2017 Donell Hill
About Donell Hill
Donell Hill (“Donnie”) believes that people are here on Earth to thrive and live a joyful, maximized life through the circumstances that life brings them. He combines his life lessons until now with his Stanford University education, experiences as a Certified Cancer Journey Coach, and work as a Transformation Specialist. Donnie advises individuals and groups on how to make everything that matters most in their life count so that they can elevate their well-being and quality of life and make a positive contribution to those around them, create a legacy they’d be proud to call their own. Whether you acknowledge it or not, your words and your presence matters…and the success of our collective future depends on it.