How To Resolve Conflict Before You Drive Away Top Talent

Are you a leader who sometimes hates or feels uncomfortable with conflict? 

Conflict is an inevitable part of any workplace or team, and at times, it’s needed.  

That said, if it doesn’t get resolved quickly, successfully, or with care, it can fester and lead to additional problems down the line, resulting in a work environment that is filled with passive-aggressiveness, hostility, and distrust.

Hence, part of your role as the leader is having the courage, confidence, and competence to address the problem and the people thoughtfully and effectively — especially in the moments where arguments get heated and the pricklier side of people’s personalities come out. 

So, where do you begin?

More and more, you might be hearing people talk about “triggers” or use of the term “trauma informed.” If so, you likely fall into one of three categories: 

1.       “What the heck is that?”
2.       “Yes! I need that!”
3.       “Ugh…not this again.”

Fortunately, I believe this more mindful way of working with people is here to stay, and it’s slowly making its way into business and leadership practices. 

That said, for leaders to embrace and apply this type of approach intentionally and consistently, there must be more in-depth education about what a trauma-informed approach looks like and why it’s needed in today’s workplace. (Be on the lookout for another blog about this topic soon.)

For now, here are five practices leaders can begin to incorporate if they want to handle conflict in a more trauma-informed way that keeps team members’ emotional well-being and a more collaborative work environment in mind.

1. Prioritize Safety and Trust: Many people are moving through a lot of overwhelm and/or hardship in their personal lives (that they don’t share.) Recognize that past traumas – whether from work-life or home-life – might influence how individuals respond to conflict. Cultivate a work environment where team members feel comfortable sharing their feelings or more of what’s real for them without fear of judgment, retaliation, blackmail, or mockery. Prioritize building trust through active listening, empathy, self-reflection, and open communication.
2. Acknowledge (and Legitimize) Triggers: Be aware that certain words, actions, or situations can trigger traumatic responses in some individuals. Even if you don’t agree with or understand their reaction, that doesn’t mean their experience is not real, less important, or less valid. As you evaluate how you want to address a conflict, take some time to understand potential triggers – language or behaviors – that could re-traumatize the people involved.
3. Be Curious. Use Compassionate and Candid Communication: Don’t make assumptions. Instead, use curiosity. Ask questions to better understand what team members are experiencing at that moment. Are they feeling annoyed? Uncomfortable? Unsafe? Calm? Surprised? Encourage dialogue that focuses on observations, feelings, needs, and requests. This approach minimizes blame and encourages understanding, making it easier for individuals to express themselves without feeling attacked.
4. Promote Emotional Regulation: For many, this is probably the most difficult part of working through conflict resolution because it requires the most sensitivity – or attunement – to what’s going on with people’s thoughts and bodies in real-time. Maybe something gets said that activates some defensiveness. Maybe the conversation no longer feels safe, and people want to get out of the interaction as soon as possible. Maybe the interaction is so overwhelming that team members freeze and become speechless. Or maybe they just say whatever needs to be said to keep the peace and go on about their day. Unfortunately, for emotional regulation to happen successfully, sometimes you have to be comfortable sitting with the uncomfortable emotions or have the skills to bring people back into the conversation after they’ve “checked out.” And sometimes, you just need to know when enough is enough and take a break as needed even if there’s still no resolution. This is where nervous system education, attunement, mindfulness techniques, or even a short walk can help people regulate their nervous system – which is more than just calming down. Having the skills to emotionally regulate can help you and your team approach the situation with a clearer mind.
5. Focus on Reconnection and Solutions: Sometimes, the problem will get resolved in a single interaction, but more often than not, it takes time and several conversations. So even though the ultimate goal is resolution, work to guide the conversation towards de-escalation, greater understanding, and reconnection. While it’s important to get the challenges out on the table, spend 50% or less of the conversation focusing on the problems and spend 50% or more acknowledging team members’ experiences, finding common ground or connection points, and collaboratively brainstorming ideas to move forward and come to an agreement.

Becoming a more trauma-informed leader takes willingness, awareness, time, and practice. While it is not always the easiest approach – or the sexiest – it can often make the biggest positive impact. Understanding and embracing a trauma-informed approach to conflict resolution can pave the way for more effective communication, greater trust, and better relationships among team members. And to be honest, these days, that’s what most employees are looking for.

If you’re a leader and know that you need to resolve a conflict but haven’t figured out how to best address it, it can be helpful to have a strategic thought partner to help you brainstorm ideas. I’d love to be that thought partner for you. Click here to schedule your complimentary 45-minute Life Maximizer Discovery Call.