- When you’re in conversation with individuals from your team, your customers, or your community, how (and why) are you listening?
“Are you listening to control or listening to connect?” ~ Dan Warmenhoven, Former Chairman & CEO, NetApp
For business and community leaders, you have to get buy-in to mobilize your organization or your movement.
When I heard Dan’s question in an executive presentation skills course 10+ years ago, it flipped the switch for me. Little did I know it would become a foundational question in much of my work with leaders.
These days, leadership can no longer be claimed; instead it must be ordained by the people who opt to trust and follow you. This is an essential question to ask yourself if you want to continue to stand out and maximize your influence and your impact.
The Challenges of Deep Listening
For many, deep listening is difficult — not necessarily because they don’t want to, but because it is counterculture. Deep listening is a slower process; it requires a willingness to be present, intentional, and to slooooowwwwww doooooowwwwwnnnnnn.
It is about building deeper connection and understanding the other person’s point of view and experience. Hence, it gets written off because, as a society, we’re more often focused on and praised for speed, results, productivity and efficiency.
This is not meant to to vilify or praise one level of listening over another. All three are important and valid approaches to making day-to-day decisions and gaining a better understanding of another’s current reality. That said, it is meant to expand your awareness and serve as an additional tool for you to use to get buy-in and help your community move.
Let’s dive in!
3 Levels of Listening
You can listen “to”, “for” or “with” to gain insight around what is important to someone and, therefore, align your vision with their thinking or priorities.
By understanding where your team members, clients, or colleagues are stuck, you can identify the clarity and alignment needed that will help them course-correct, get onboard, and/or move toward a new result.
Level 1: Listening to… (Content-focused)
When you are listening to the words or content of what the person is saying, you are listening to the surface level of the conversation, where you take them at their word. It is a literal translation of the person’s narrative.
- “I need to feed my family for the next week.”
- “We need to generate 500 leads this month to hit our revenue target.”
- “These employees need to understand the company mission, vision and values.”
Level 2: Listening for… (Emotion or Meaning-focused)
With this type of listening, you’re listening more deeply and paying attention to clues about how the person is feeling or what they’re experiencing, especially where there is a mismatch between their words and emotions.
- Are they excited but their words are focusing on the past vs. now or future?
- Are they frustrated but maniacally laughing?
- Are they smiling with a seemingly calm demeanor but their words are “sharp?”
By using your emotional awareness to determine whether or not there are incongruities between the words and their behavior, you can ask compelling or clarifying questions.
- “Are you afraid of not feeding your family this week?”
- “Why is the magic number 500 leads? How will 500, instead of 300 or 700, make the right impact?”
- “Is there a reason behind your recommendation to re-train employees? Help me understand why that is important.”
Applying genuine curiosity and emotional awareness to inform your questions can help you tune-in to those you lead and gives you the ability to have the right conversations at the right moment. This makes you a trusted advisor, leader and go-to resource, regardless of your title.
Obviously, when someone is in distress, it is also vital to take into consideration their experience of the situation. Being overly analytical in an emotional circumstance usually provokes a negative response. Consider the following exchange:
- Them: “I need people to understand these things!”
- You: “You sound annoyed.”
- Them: “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”
Continue to practice honing your awareness and be deliberate in reflecting what you’re noticing. Acknowledging an experience is different than assuming an experience.
- “I see that their understanding of these things is really important to you. How can I support you? Do you have a plan for how to make it happen or is that where you’d like my help?”
By giving the person an entry point to expand on what they’ve shared, they feel heard and understood. It’s not about problem-solving as much as it is about connection.
Level 3: Listening with… (Sensory-focused)
The third level of deep listening is to listen with your senses. This allows you to become aware of the total environment of a conversation – body language, other people’s responses, outside noises or distractions, your own internal response to the words being said (like, angst, agitation, calm, excitement, etc.).
Noticing these cues can help you make adjustments in the moment and tune into what you might (or might not) want to say at that particular point in time. (In many professional settings, you might hear people refer to this as “reading the room.”)
Your goal is to become aware of:
- constriction points (“I would but…”, “I guess we can’t do that…”),
- taboo subjects (“don’t get me started”, “I’m not even going there”), and
- non-participation (who is quiet and obviously just wants out of the conversation?).
Determine who needs to add to the conversation and who needs a private conversation later.
By listening with your senses, you can find the person’s points of discomfort and lean into them strategically to create dialogue and set the stage for new possibilities.
As you assess your own skills, how strong is your listening superpower?
- Do you find yourself listening more to control or to connect?
- Which level of listening do you find most comfortable or find yourself in most frequently — Level 1, Level 2 or Level 3?
- If you were to listen more frequently at the deeper levels, how do you think this would impact your relationships and/or influence?
Like all skills, listening is a practice, and no doubt a valuable one. In working with business professionals of all levels, from new college graduates to C-Level executives, one thing is consistent — all of them know and talk about the importance of and need to influence others, get buy-in, or be a part of a key decision-making process if they want their work to move forward.
If you have ever been deeply listened to, then you know what a gift it is and, unfortunately, one many may never experience. So whenever possible, stand out from the crowd. Use your multi-level listening superpower to inspire those you lead, move your community forward and maximize your impact and influence as a change-maker!
Your Invitation to Learn More
I appreciate your readership and strive to offer practical helpfulness at every touchpoint with you. That’s why I put together a special report – How to Get Optimal ROE (Return On Energy) as a Community & Business Leader. If you haven’t already, you can go here to receive this downloadable report as my gift to you. May it support your work as a paradigm-shifting Leader.
© 2022 Donell Hill
About Donnie Hill
Donnie believes business and leadership development are paths for personal and community transformation. Finding and doing meaningful work ignites the soul, creates a positive impact and brings joy daily. He is the Founder and CEO of Life Maximizer LLC, a marketing and business strategy consulting company. Combining his Stanford University education with his experience as a communication coach, business transformation specialist, marketing strategist and sales facilitator, Donnie supports business and community leaders in strategically building their presence and thought leadership platform so they stand out in their industry and maximize their impact, brand, and legacy.