“Where do we go from here?”
For many, we are at a disheartening, confusing and infuriating point in history as people navigate a pandemic, a change in home and work-life, social distancing, protests and senseless acts of murder. There is an emergence and releasing of collective and communal trauma. That said, this is also the invitation and entry point for healing conversations — Power Conversations — conversations about new possibilities, better relationships and rightful actions.
Our willingness to have new candid, and potentially uncomfortable, conversations is the only door to building a better and brighter future together.
As a Thoughtful Leader and change facilitator, your presence and investment in conversation is a value exchange to create new results; because of this, a conversation without understanding is a waste of time and energy. There are three types of conversations you can have that will build (or deepen) trust and increase buy-in from others.
These conversations span the continuum of change – creating an opening to a new vision or possibilities, identifying a pain point, deepening or rebuilding trust in a relationship, and/or defining an action plan. They can be used individually, sequentially or even as parts throughout the same conversation. By mastering these conversations, you confirm your influence and credibility as a thought leader.
Great conversations start with being a good listener. In a recent blog, I talked about the value of Multi-Level Listening. Now, let’s talk about the types of conversation and their impact so that you can use what you heard to have more influential and meaningful conversations.
Why This Matters
Your delivery of these three conversations is as important as their substance. For example, you may find you need to be more available or transparent than you expect. Why? Because openness is needed to create authentic connection. (It’s hard to strengthen connection through a brick wall of protection.)
If you don’t show up to the conversation with openness and authenticity, you can’t expect others to come with that same attitude and willingness. Being genuine, curious and transparent is the path to creating conversations that matter.
Now let’s get into the power conversations, which are your tools for responding to what you heard and proactively shaping transformation.
The 3 Power Conversations
Each of the following is appropriate in different scenarios and gives you versatility as a change-maker and Thoughtful Leader in conversations with your community or team members.
Power Conversation #1 – The Possibility Conversation
This is about helping paint a vivid picture of a new place people either can’t see, can’t imagine or are unaware of.
As a Thoughtful Leader, you have a vision of a different outcome than what currently exists for your organization, industry or community; one of your key roles is to create a shared vision. To do so means collecting the different pieces of the vision as they see it from your team or community, then interweaving those with your larger vision so that their contributions are seen as relevant, valued and cohesive.
This shared vision, where everyone feels valued and acknowledged, is part of what unites the team. It also sets the stage for creating action plans that power the activities and momentum to reach that vision. People support what they help create.
Your ability — and gift — to see the larger picture and invite others to meet you there is a distinction that sets Thoughtful Leaders apart from traditional leaders. Traditional leaders either take the established vision and execute on it, or they have a vision that is the only vision for all to work toward accomplishing. Thoughtful Leaders coalesce the strengths and contributions of others into their original vision.
As a Thoughtful Leader, by acknowledging the interpretations of vision, along with individual goals, you illuminate the greater good and the individual strengths to help achieve it. There are no longer power struggles where people fight for what they want; instead, people move toward possibility – together.
Power Conversation #2 – The Concern Conversation
As with the shared vision for possibility, shared concerns being surfaced can yield where energy is being diverted, distractions have urgency and results are being side-tracked. Why? Because people will fight for their concerns, and the need to be right in perceiving them. In fact, they fight harder for the concerns they feel are being ignored.
As a Thoughtful Leader, by hearing and either reframing or addressing the concerns in a candid way, you can alleviate stress and build trust. In this conversation, it is counter-intuitive to know that your role is not to provide answers or solutions to concerns. Instead, you need to articulate and acknowledge people’s concerns so they feel heard and understood. Understanding is not enough, you need them to know you understand them.
Start with explaining how you understand what they’ve told you. The Thoughtful Leader then asks the right questions without answering them prematurely.
- If I were to look at this from your perspective, here are some of the concerns I would have… (explain their situation as clearly as possible)
- Is there anything important you think I missed?
- How would you rank these things in order of importance?
- Do I have that right?
- Did I miss anything?
Continue refining the concern narrative until your team or community member is satisfied you have it right and that you are complete and accurate in your narrative.
Not only will this approach skyrocket trust, it also opens a space for you to share your concerns as well. Before you demonstrate your understanding of them, it’s unlikely they will care about your concerns. However, upon feeling understood, people will be much more willing to hear your thoughts (or at least consider them).
Accessing empathy allows you, the Thoughtful Leader, to sense and unite the visible and invisible concerns of your community member. By showing how much you care, you gain the invitation to share how much you know. As you do both, your community determines what they are willing to do in following and living into the larger vision.
When you have created a shared vision and everyone understands the shared concerns, you’re ready to lead the conversations about what to do. You didn’t gather all of this information so you can make the decisions about what to do – it’s so the team can agree on what to do.
With that in mind, let’s look at…
Power Conversation #3 – The Action Conversation
Most conversations focus on actions and, ironically, many of those conversations end up being ineffective. In such cases, it is because there are power plays, authority issues and people who need to be heard. Any unmet emotional needs will surface when it comes to taking action. Why? Because there is a stressor that has not been expressed.
Only two things come from this scenario: people go off to reluctantly do what they’re ‘supposed’ to do even though they don’t believe in it, or, they end up doing what they feel is right no matter what actions were decided and assigned to them. The bottom line is that people support what they create… so having the Action Conversation means you, the Thoughtful Leader, clarify and address any potential stressors.
The questions you need to ask include, ‘Is there anything in the way of getting X done?’, ‘Do you see anything that’s been missed in our action plan?’. These types of questions will encourage open dialogue vs. waiting to observe the fall-out from hidden stressors.
Keep action items positive, tied to the larger goal and specific as to what by when and by whom.
You Must Communicate Clearly in Word, Action and Presence
As a Thoughtful Leader and go-to advisor for your community or organization, you must communicate through what you say, what you do and who you are with transparency and authenticity. People can smell B.S. so you need to deliberately cultivate your presence. Mastering these conversations are one level of that presence; my intention is to support you at all levels so you can have the greatest impact through your vision and leadership.
For now, consider the quality of your conversations. Are they yielding actionable insights? Do you see where you are using one style over another in your conversations? How can / will you more effectively use them?
Your Invitation to Learn More
I appreciate your readership and strive to offer practical guidance and helpfulness at every touch-point with you. That’s why I put together a special report – How to Get Optimal ROE (Return On Energy) as a Community & Business Leader. If you haven’t already, you can go here to receive this downloadable report as my gift to you. May it support your work as a paradigm-shifting leader.
© 2020 Donell Hill
About Donnie Hill
Donnie believes business and leadership development are paths for personal and community transformation. Finding and doing meaningful work ignites the soul, creates a positive impact and brings joy daily. He is the Founder and CEO of Life Maximizer LLC, a marketing and business strategy consulting company. Combining his Stanford University education with his experience as a communication coach, business transformation specialist, marketing strategist and sales facilitator, Donnie supports business and community leaders in strategically building their presence and thought leadership platform so they stand out in their industry and maximize their impact, brand, and legacy.