One of the hardest parts about being human is our need to know…and we want to know it all. I guess that’s part of the game…
If we knew how it was all going to turn out, then life would be so much easier. At the same time, if we knew the outcome, there wouldn’t be any excitement. It wouldn’t leave room for the surprises and the miracles that we get to see happen in our lives every day.
But what about during the most difficult times – like when your loved one is dying or when a friend or someone you love dearly is diagnosed with cancer?
How do you continue to stay open to the love, the faith, the peace (and the forgiveness) even when you’re not sure how many days you have left with the person you love?
Life’s funny. It often teaches us lessons in the most painful and inopportune moments, but we’re also given the chance to make amends before it’s too late.
We get to make life that much sweeter.
A few years ago, my nonsmoker mom was diagnosed with Stage 1B Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer, and in going through the cancer journey with her, I realized that my only (and most important) real lesson as her son and one of her caregivers was to remind her and show her everyday just how much I loved her – unconditionally. That’s it.
So that became my practice, and I have to tell you, it took some work on my part. Not because my mom is a hard person to love, but because I had all of this inner pain that I didn’t know how to deal with.
In the process, I saw just how much “gunk” I had in the way around sharing what was really on my heart for fear that she’d be upset with me or disregard my feelings. But as I spent time really processing it, it was really my fear of letting our hearts and souls truly connect. Because what if my mom didn’t make it?
How was I going to be able to deal with that?
How was I going to be able to cope with the pain and the sadness?
In that moment, I had this incredible insight – my mom was still here.
In fact, I just had the opportunity to spend an incredible four days with her and my family at the National Women’s Survivors Convention back in August.
How could I cherish this moment? How could I make every interaction, every phone call and every visit home count? How could I really enjoy my mom and let go of all of my fears and worries so that she could really see and enjoy me too? Because in the end, nothing else really matters.
That’s when it started to click. We constantly live in the world of uncertainty and “I don’t know” even if we don’t want to admit it. Who knows how much time we really have left on this Earth? When we were born, there was no expiration date stamped on the bottoms of our feet.
So as I continue to process the cancer journey for myself and help other cancer caregivers and their families find balance and peace, I keep learning that there is something ironically comforting in admitting that I don’t know and living in uncertainty. Because when I do, I get to be present and enjoy the moment. When I do, I get to experience more love and joy and the people who matter most to me. When I do, I get to trust that regardless of what happens I’ll be okay. And in that moment, I’m complete. In that moment, I’m at peace.
I’m curious…
What happens for you when you lean into the uncertainty and accept what you don’t know?
There’s nothing I love more than sharing, so please share your thoughts and comments below.
© 2014 Donell Hill
About Donell Hill
Donell (“Donnie”) Hill believes that people are here on Earth to thrive and live their best life possible despite any circumstances that life brings them. He combines his life lessons until now with his Stanford University education, experiences as a Certified Cancer Journey Coach and Peer Health Educator, as a NASM Certified Personal Trainer and a professional actor to help people live their potential and maximize their lives. After all, our collective future depends on it. See www.TheLifeMaximizer.com for more.