Relationships are confronting. They show you what you’re doing “right,” what you’re doing “wrong,” and everything in between. They reflect back to you aspects of yourself that you love, aspects of yourself that you hate, and aspects of yourself you weren’t even aware of. And quite frankly, sometimes constantly dealing with that reflection is effing exhausting!
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting a new friend and business acquaintance for lunch, and we had a really wonderful conversation. For me, it was energizing, it was fun, and it was soul-nourishing all at the same time, and when I look back on the experience, the thought that comes to mind is it was honest. I didn’t feel myself hiding or shying away from topics for fear of what he might say or how he might react. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised when he jumped in and joined me.
In our sharing, one of the topics that came up was around relationships and how to effectively communicate your needs with love, respect, and compassion. What we both identified through our own personal life experiences is that that particular skill didn’t necessarily get taught to us. Instead, we both had to figure it out for ourselves through trial and error, and I imagine the same is true for you.
For me, one of my learning edges has been around truthfully acknowledging (and honoring) when I’m not okay, when I’m feeling angry, hurt, jealous, or disappointed, or when I’m just not feeling enough and being able to communicate that. And that’s hard to admit, especially as a gay, black man.
That being said, that’s the first step. You have to honestly acknowledge that some aspect of your relationship and/or communication isn’t working…and that it’s okay. This is your pivot point — or your life maximization.
I know it feels like all hell is breaking loose right now, and that it’s perfectly healthy and norml to be in the midst of any anger, sadness, frustration, resentment, or rage. That is where the real healing begins and that is the beginning of a deeper, more joyful, more authentic connection with yourself and those you love. Like I said at the beginning, relationships are confronting…but they’re also necessary because they give you clarity about what’s most important to you and what you most want and need to live your best, maximized life while you’re here on Earth.
© 2017 Donell Hill
About Donell Hill
Donell Hill (“Donnie”) believes that people are here on Earth to thrive and live a joyful, maximized life through the circumstances that life brings them. He combines his life lessons until now with his Stanford University education, experiences as a Certified Cancer Journey Coach, and work as a Transformation Specialist. Donnie advises individuals and groups on how to make everything that matters most in their life count so that they can elevate their well-being and quality of life and make a positive contribution to those around them, create a legacy they’d be proud to call their own. Whether you acknowledge it or not, your words and your presence matters…and the success of our collective future depends on it.
See www.TheLifeMaximizer.com for more.